Saturday, November 12, 2005

Depression and Self Loathing in Caen


Tonight, I am sitting alone in my room. Sure, I am tired, but, more than anything, I am just unhappy. I cried on my way home from Auvergne—not because I was so sad to be leaving, although, it was a wonderful time, but because I am really, really unhappy in Caen. I feel trapped and completely out of control here. I have reverted to a self—an old self that I thought I had matured out of, that no longer existed inside me. I find myself to be negative, cruel, and when in a bad mood, I completely isolate myself. There is a girl* here, who, having no social grace whatsoever, grates on my nerves in a way no one ever has. I am able to co-exist with her because I must, but the fact that she thinks we are the best of friends (I am one of two that can stand to converse with her), and that I must do everything with her (she is in all of my classes, and insists on eating all meals together): I am dying a slow and painful death inside. She is toxic, and yet, only one of several problems in my life right now.
I am in a mood. I have been listening to Radiohead for several hours now, and my balcony door is wide open—letting in the frigid, coastal wind (the one thing I can feel at the moment). I should be working on homework; I failed a test this week, and have a large paper and presentation due next, but I… I am in a mood.
Someone, please, leave me a note, a comment to cheer me up, intrigue and fascinate me—or perhaps put things in perspective letting me know how little I really have to complain about (I am partial to dirty jokes).
Where is my therapist when I need her?

10 pts. for movie title and character, 20 pts. for name of actor who should’ve won best supporting Oscar for his role in this film.
“People who speak in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.”






* She is named after a Duran Duran song. 10 pts. to whoever guesses correctly

14 Comments:

Blogger Serena said...

Scroll down, there's more...

6:51 PM  
Blogger European said...

Hmmm. Sounds like you're almost as miserable as I am.
I'd recommend putting on those pumas and going for a run. Turn off the music and on the light and start working.

6:57 PM  
Blogger European said...

So... I'm all about the tough love. And I don't know any dirty jokes. And I don't know (again) which movie that's from, though it sounds like Jack Nicholson (who I'm partial to).
Chin up, girl!

6:59 PM  
Blogger Serena said...

Well done, European! You got the actor-- guess which film?

7:45 PM  
Blogger European said...

Really? I was right? Oh joy!
Let's see then. Probably As Good As It Gets which is only one of the best films, like, ever.

9:00 PM  
Blogger The Dark Pig said...

Off topic... I just learned Füstölt Szalona is a type of aged bacon.

Bacon alway cheers me up.

9:38 PM  
Blogger European said...

If that's true, the supporting actor would be Greg Kinnear (who I think of as gay in every movie I see him in which is really quite inconvenient).

10:49 PM  
Blogger exMI said...

Duran Duran song would be Rio???

I'll think of some good jokes, or maybe I'l send the zombieslayer here, he always has good ones.....

4:20 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I'm thinking there are three choices for Duran Duran songs...

Crystal Ship
Electric Barbarella
Liberty.

I'll put my money on Liberty because Barbarella would be a horrible thing to do to a child and Crystal is not that uncommon.

I will tell you my mom's favorite joke:

An old man and woman are sitting on the porch swing one afternoon, watching the dog lick himself. The old man sighs, and says enviously, " Sure wish I could do that." The old woman looks at him for a minute before replying, "He'd bite you."

Badum-bum.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Eric said...

Serena! I Love you!

I think you should tell this girl that she is cancer for your soul and you are beginning kemotherapy....then punch her in the face. Walk away and begin your new life.

Things here at WSU are boring. I really hate living here in the French House.....Eliot is cool, since he is French, but aside from that....the other housemates are cool, but we are not friends, and we won't be. I don't know what I am going to do about the house for your year, it is kind of hard to recruit...since we don't ever do anything. Oh well.

Try to hang in there. I think you can do it. Can you move to another city? Another school for the exchange? I don't know, the French just might surprise you and maybe you can.

I miss our walks in Paris! I want to come back next May maybe. I want to act in French, and maybe become a famous actor in France. That would be fun! And slowly make an appearance in the US, Cockhill definately will not work as a last name.

Smile and know that I miss you. Go see a French movie for me, and punch any americans who speak English. I am serious. If I was there, I would scream at them in French. Putain espece de salope qui ne sait rien du tout de français.

I am sure there were errors in that, and now I look like the fucking whore...but oh well.

Smile and try to have fun.

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Super SueAsian said...

You want to cheer up? Stop listening to Radiohead for a bit!

2:42 AM  
Blogger Serena said...

Megan-LOL! :)
Well done, European
Pig, your bacon makes me happy to
EXMI: Her name is Rio!
Eric, I miss you too. Done any sketching lately?
SueAsian: Jerky?

5:29 PM  
Blogger Serena said...

10 pts to ExMI-- no word yet on whether she dances on the sand
30 pts. to European

6:42 PM  
Anonymous Celine said...

Aaargh, I hate it that you seem to be so unhappy in Caen! Wanna come and visit in Rennes? It's fun! Seriously I mean it, let me know!

7:27 PM  

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